When it rains it pours...

Lately I have been feeling a little down and out and in result have taken on the saying "when it rains, it pours", (It is all the more fitting that it is pouring outside as I blog this). Well, my recent problems started like this...

About two weeks ago, I found a lump in my breast and as much as I would like to entertain the hope that it is probably nothing, I can't because only a few years ago my mother was plagued with breast cancer and eventually treated with a mesectamy. The thought that I may have breast cancer is all too real and although I jest and try to stay light hearted in front of others, I am truely burdened by the possiblility. It's not that the loss of a breast, or even the loss of both breasts will be the end of the world, it's the possibliity of it spreading, the possibility that my husband may not find my flat and scarred chest attractive, the possibility that I may never have the chance to breastfeed when Kris and I decide to have a child. Oh the possibilities and how they are my woes.

If the possibilities weren't enough to stress me...the fact that I can't truely know what my lump is for another six months sure does the trick. Since I was laid off from Famous Dave's in December and just got my job at NFM a few weeks ago, I have no insurance and there is a six month waiting period for any policy to kick in. Six months is a long time, cancer can spread rapidly in that amount of time...and not to mention the agony of waiting and not knowing. The only other option I would have outside of waiting the six months for the insurance is to find some other policy right now and wait the three months that it will take to kick in...but we just don't have that kind of money.

Everything would be fine if my Mother wasn't constantly pushing me to make some sort of action. I can realize on my own that Kris and I have no money to deal with this right now, I can realize that and deal with it and I can patiently wait for when the day comes that I can get this figured out. But with my Mother constantly calling and pushing and threating to pay for it all out of her own pocket (which she can't afford either), I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck between a rock and a lump.

Beyond those more extreme problems, my fear of spiders has grown from my most recent interaction with one in my car while driving on 435. This happened TWICE in one week with the same spider and now I believe I am scarred for life. Damn thing almost made me wreck on two different days!

Beyond my own problems, Kris and I are doing well. We are happy and in love and functioning as your typical married couple. Although I worry about his health right now... as well as work things.

Anyhow, I'm hoping it will stop pouring soon, literally as well as figritively!

-Opening up my umbrella and facing the rain,
-Alyssa J.